The Point of it All

I've never had a summer love, but one summer I did have a summer lust. It was the summer of '09. I had no worries, well I'm sure I did but they didn't matter. I think I had a boyfriend then, I can't remember, but whatever, that was my moment to be free. I had just turned 18 the winter before and I was ready to LIVE. That summer I laughed until I cried. I did what I wanted to, I didn't care. There's probably still some consequences I have to face because of that summer. Sometimes I smile at the thought of my life then.

Everyday wasn't perfect but I was happy. I haven't been happy like that in a while. Maybe becuase lately I focus so much on doing what others think is right or what society will accept. I had a certain lust for life back then, I want it back.

Growing up can be hard and in the process you get caught up in looking for love and acceptance from people that could really careless about you. We stress to get a degree even though we probably won't have a job after graduation. We compromise who we are for love or at least what we think is love. Too many have lost themselves in what's "right" it wouldn't hurt them to do a little "wrong". You need to lust a little every now and then.

I wanna live like there's no tomorrow, shop like everything is going out of style, and hell even dance in the rain. I want to do what isn't expected of me sometimes. I think I'll "grow up" next year. I'll be 21 but until then I feel like I have a few more, "she's so f*cking childish" I can get out of spectators. I'm honest with myself, I'm not rushing this grown up thing. I don't have kids, never been to jail, I pay majority of my own bills, I'm still in school(which is a major accomplishment because I think college is overrated), and my parents are proud of me. I really could careless what anyone else thinks.

Love. Been there done that. I'll try it again next lifetime, but this lifetime, this summer, I want to do everything that's suppose to be bad because it makes me feel good.

Lust. The blind energy in the human existence. Something like the Roman word "lustrum", meaning purification.

This summer I'm unveiling my blind energy. Purifying my existence.