For the Love of Love.

I'm guilty of treating love like a sport.

We weren't on the same team, it was like me against him and the world were the referees and I swear they were getting paid to help him win. If I cried, point for him. If he gave me some bullsh*t apology, point fo me. This game didn't have rounds, or endings, or quarters, it had years! At the end of the year I would tally up the points, if he was winning I would do everything in my power to make sure he stayed in my life, becuase I loved him of course, but also because I couldn't let him beat me at my own game.

There was no way I did all that crying and craziness to lose. This game wasn't going to be over until I got my ring. I was like a little kid, I wanted to win and we were going to play until I won. Then once I won I knew I wouldn't want to play anymore. However, I kept losing and just to stay in the game, I started to settle. Instead of a ring, I was content with a trophy, a trophy was too much so I agreed to a medal, the medal was plastic, I think he got it from the Dollar Tree, and it wasn't long before he started rewarding me in gum and it wasn't the Trident Three Layers gum either.

I was losing myself in the game and I didn't care. The progress I was making was so miniscule that it became irrelevant. By this point I had convinced myself that being in the game was enough. It wasn't. I had injury after heartbreak, after injury after heartbreak and I was still losing. I didn't give up though. My motto was, "it's all about the W!"

One day, in year three I stopped in the middle of the field, looked around, and realized he was gone. I was playing this game by myself and only God knows for how long.
I called him like, "Where you at?". He was like, "huh? I can't hear you. My phone's dying I'ma call you back!".

Everyday for three years I put blood, sweat, and tears on the field all in the name of love. A love that threw the towel in when I wasn't paying attention. He quit.

Then the other day God just randomly said to me, "you know all that playing wasn't in vain, right?" and I'm thinking to myself how can God say it wasn't in vain, when there were times my heart was literally aching from exhaustion? Trying not to question God, becuase he was the coach, I decided to go back to the playbook, the Bible, to see what he was talking about. I found a few things but his point was still a little blurry, so I went to the study room, church, to watch some old game film, sermons. Things were starting to come together. I noticed angels were on the field with me the entire time and the competition didn't quit, he was asked to leave. God pulled him to the side and told him, "young man you aren't a worthy opponent and though she's losing now I'm preparing her for a major comeback".

I didn't win the love of a man and I was content. It came together like a puzzle, I'm on the field, alone, giving the game my all, but no visible opponent, why? God had me play myself to love myself.

Every now and then the competition calls me up, talking about he want a rematch and his head wasn't in the game those three years. Instead of consulting my coach, I've taken him up on his offer a few times. I started to think what if I get caught up in this game again? Am I going to suffer again? God taught me how the game is played and I decided I'm ready to retire until a worthy opponent comes along. No ring is worth my dignity and plus nothing could compare to the prize I got the first time I around.

I love me some me and I have the best coach money can't buy, God. As for the competition, he's still playing the game. I've seen him on Sport Center's Not Top 10 a few times.